Ahh, how refreshing it is to take time out in the day to utilize the state-of-the-art resistance machines available in the WoodPEC. Being fortunate enough to have free time, I strap on my headband, put on the leg-warmers, and place one training glove on my hand, a-la Michael Jackson.
I'm just trying to fit in with the WoodPEC theme. Hey kids! At the WoodPEC weight room, EVERY night is eighties night!
I'm sure you read the same high school health books that I did. They described the revolutionary Nautilus machines and had pictures of mullet-laden males demonstrating their talent on the machines.
Someone buy me a box set of the Wonder Years and sign me up for BMG's Eighties Club. Someone hook me up with a throwback baby blue Atlanta Braves jersey. I'm gonna' need it in order to assimilate into the world created by the WoodPEC time machine
Looking for a good incline press workout? Better bring a friend to spot for you, because that machine doesn't exist in 1986. Need to use the fly machine? I hope you're 6'6, 240 pounds, because normal people using the current fly machines might as well just tie themselves to a torture rack. I hope you don't mind doing a lot of crunches, because ab machines were not apparently available in the 1980s.
You better bring your imagination to the gym as well, as many of the Nautilus machines have incomplete or missing routine instructions. I'm not a well conditioned athlete — hell, I get an aerobic workout walking from Dobbs to the WoodPEC — and I cannot preform the thriller dance while curling. I also know that I'm not alone.
Many sub-superbeings like myself (also known as "average" man) enjoy a good workout and just wish the WoodPEC would accommodate us a little more.
But please, don't get me wrong. I don't want to become a caustic critic of the WoodPEC gym. I enjoy the facilities as much as any other person living in the next millennium. Many of the newer Cybex machines are great, and the other services of the gym — i.e., the indoor track and aerobic machines — can't be beat. However, even the consummate A-Ha fan would agree that the WoodPEC gym could use an equipment upgrade. With all the construction on campus, it seems reasonable that newer strength and resistance training machines could fit into the "Campus Master Plan."
Josh Small is a College freshman from Marietta.
