Unrealistic 'El Dorado' encourages racism, violence, cruelty to animals Some movies leave you filled with a sense of adventure - a sense that there is a life beyond this one. You leave the theatre ready to take on the world, ready to embark upon some unknown quest. Movies like "Rocky," "The NeverEnding Story" and "Raiders of the Lost Ark" take us on journeys which our tiny brains have only dreamt of. Other movies leave audiences empty, disappointed with their drab existences and wondering why they can't be offered more.

Such was the case with "The Road to El Dorado," Dreamworks' latest animated, inconsistency-riddled, inaccuracy-soaked money sponge about the mythical city which lends the movie its name. You may wonder why I compared an animated kids movie to "Rocky" and "Raiders of the Lost Ark" - but I defy anyone upon having seen this movie to label it children's fare.

The sex, racism and violence present in "El Dorado" is better suited to an Oliver Stone picture than a Disney-esque animated feature. Those of you who have children, younger cousins, nephews or nieces and want to take them to this movie, be forewarned: I'd sooner let my child watch the evening news. While both would give him nightmares, at least the news wouldn't show up in bright Technicolor.

"The Road to El Dorado" begins in Spain, where Tulio (voiced by Kevin Kline, "Dave") and Miguel (Kenneth Branagh, "Much Ado About Nothing") are gambling with loaded dice in the streets. During this game of craps, they win a map to the fabled El Dorado, city of gold. After running away from the men who discover their ruse, the two must hide. The barrels they happen to climb into are aboard a boat heading for the Americas, piloted by the ruthless Hernán Cortés. After they're discovered as stowaways, Cortés threatens to kill the two hapless Spaniards, who later escape with Cortés' prize horse.

Tulio and Miguel wash up on an island containing - you guessed it! - the lost city of El Dorado. On the island they meet the evil Tzekl-Kan (Armand Assante, "Fatal Instinct"), who is convinced that they are gods.

Sounds like a real adventure, doesn't it? The sort of movie you'd love to go see on a Saturday afternoon, holding mommy's hand, munching on popcorn. Unfortunately, the plot is thinner than Calista Flockheart's waistline after a purging session. For a high priest whose fingertips call forth dark magic, Tzekl-Kan sure does trust two white-faced strangers a great deal. If he's so bent on hellish destruction, why doesn't he rule the city with an iron fist rather than letting the fat chief (Edward James Olmos, "Selena") run the village? And what about that horse?

The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals would have a field day with this movie, whose animal character survives drowning, being thrown off of a boat twice, landing on rocks once and flying through the air. Let's face it folks, if this were a live horse it would have been shot in the head and made into glue and dog food by the halfway mark. Besides this, twice in the movie Tulio and Miguel survive jumping unimaginably long distances by landing in water. Never mind that it's only three feet of water and that underneath it is a barrel in one instance and hard jagged rocks in another. Of course, it is a cartoon. I guess I should take that into account. Except if that were true, Mufasa would still be alive and "The Lion King" would be about four minutes long.

Let me say one more thing before the final verdict, because it's a pet peeve of mine in modern animation: Rendering and computer graphics. They have their place and are all well and good, but if you're going to mix it with normal animation, do it well. This is true of nearly every post-"Aladdin" animated feature but is especially true of this movie. When I can tell that the animators wimped out and rendered a scene that an old-school animator would have hand-drawn in five minutes, my opinion of the movie drops exponentially.

The Final Verdict:

Folks, this movie is bad - and I'm not talking about Michael Jackson bad or endearing "Mystery Science Theater 3000" bad. I'm talking about "The Land Before Time IV: Journey Through the Mists" bad. In fact, the only good thing about it was the music. Elton John triumphs with the soundtrack, his best recording since the mid-80s. Unfortunately, Tim Rice's horrid lyrics nearly cancel out the quality of the music. And the plot, story line, and characters are simply pitiful; I'm more willing to believe that Oliver North really couldn't recall than believe in this movie. I sincerely hope none of you reading this now waste your money on "The Road to El Dorado." Life afterward just sucks.